Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
