shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
