So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
