She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
