i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
