If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
