i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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