and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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