Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
