There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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