The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
