I think I am morally bankrupt
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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