do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
