Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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