i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
