I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
