a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
