I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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