ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
