I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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