I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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