Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
