He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
