Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My cat gives me a boner
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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