Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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