I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
