Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize