So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
