you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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