i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
