do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
