at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
