i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
