Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
