Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
