You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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