I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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