Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
