I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
