Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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