Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
