that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
