It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
