Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
