Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
