i think my tv is drunk
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
