we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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