i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
