so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
