i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
