he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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