i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize