Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
