shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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