Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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