who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
