I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
