omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
