Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
