Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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