Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize