Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
