Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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