...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
