Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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