pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
