At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
