good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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