so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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