Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
