i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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