Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
