I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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