The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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