just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize