is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't deserve a penis
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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