I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
