I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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