I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
