Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
