I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
