Your dad touched me again.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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