I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
