Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
