my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
