I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
