You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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