i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
