she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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