My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Randomize
