have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
