I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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