Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize