i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
