True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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