i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
