everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
