well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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