I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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