Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
