Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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