just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It's like God shit irony all over that family
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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